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Panic attacks/anxiety x-posted

I have to wait to start ttc because of a medication I am/was on but I am getting my body ready to start and give my little zygote the most habitable uterus I can.
In the mean time my sister is now 12 weeks pregnant (I was waiting for marriage to have another child), my best friend accidentally got pregnant with her fourth, my friend Laura is 35 weeks and my dear friend Canaan after five years and fertility treatment and IVF is 10 weeks pregnant which I am so happy and 150% excite for her for.
However, I don't know why but I can't help but to feel the ping of jealousy and anxiety. I have a son which is a product of my first and only pregnancy. I was told two to three months before conceiving him (by happy accident!!) that because of my PCOS I would have to seek a fertility specialist before trying. This was at 23 years old. Unbeknown to me my OB/GYN put me on Metformin for my PCOS which I was later informed is the first drug they try to remedy fertility issues with women with PCOS.
I am not 29, 6 months from my 30th birthday. I know the older you get the harder it is to get pregnant and was reminded of this at my last OB/GYN appointment to discuss ttc and to have my Mirena removed (BEST BIRTH CONTROL EVER). Since having it removed my periods had been 28 days on the dot. This is insane for me as I would get them sporadically and sometimes they would last as long as 6 months. I have been charting when periods start but nothing past that. I luckily experience mittelschmerz so even without looking at my calendar I know when I am ovulating which is awesome for me.
However with all this good that is going on with my baby maker I can't help but to be completely negative and paranoid about starting to ttc. I fear my PCOS will take a step back. I also fear that my age is against me (which I know 29 is not old and I am irrational). I am also scared that if it takes me any amount of time (it took my sister a whole freaking 2 weeks) I am going to end up resenting my sister and friends.
Whenever I start to think about it I can feel my heart racing, like it is going to jump out of my chest, and I feel like I can't breathe.
I know much of this stems from the fact that my husband and I are complete walking calamities; me with my PCOS, Multiple Sclerosis and "age" and he at 14 was hit by a car and had the top of his head ripped off and at 18 had to have back surgery, and sex for us can end up being painful... no is painful. Every time without fail. So much so that he has never been able to orgasm from sex. His sex drive has always been poor, however as of late if he knows when I am ovulating it picks up his sex drive drastically, but we are using condoms and he can definitely not orgasm while have an orgasm. I don't know what we can do or try if he still can't orgasm from PIV sex.
Does anyone have any ideas or experience?
TIA and I am sorry if this is garbled and all over the place but my anxiety makes it hard for me to be coherent sometimes!


cut for pictures and sensitivity
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Officially leaving this time

My partner in his infinate wisdom has yet again changed his mind about children. So after barely a month of actively ttc, we're out of the game for a good long while. AF showed up today which officially put us out of the running this cycle, and he doesn't want to try at all until we're "financially stable". Sometimes I think that's mens favourite excuse. When is anyone ever "financially stable" anyway? Thankfully I've just found out that I got into the school I wanted, so I really hope that focusing on my career will help keep the baby throughts out of my head. Only time will tell.

So this time I will be leaving all ttc and baby related communities because it's really just to hard to cope with. I wish everyone the best, lots of baby dust, hopefully by the time we're ready to start ttc again all you guys will have moved onto the pregnancy communities! Or better yet, the parenting ones!

x-posted everywhere


If you have applied to the community and have been denied, it's because I have no received your email.

Read the user info page and follow the directions if you want to be a member.


Mod Post -- Rejected Memberships

You'll see a few of these Mod Posts in the next day or so and then the community can go back to "normal".

This one is just to just say that I have caught up on ALL of the membership requests that I have received. If you have been denied from the community or you still want to join, but haven't received an email from me, go to THIS LINK and follow the directions.

Thanks! That's all for tonight! I'm beat :)

MOD UPDATE - Need Info Changed?

I apologize for being absent lately. lease has her beautiful baby and I've been swamped with 70+ hour work weeks and the holidays! So I'll be going through all the invites, congrats, etc. Sunday. If you have anything specific you want changed, added, deleted from the user info page, please let me know here in case I miss it.

If you have sent me an invite to join the community and you aren't accepted by Sunday night, please email me again at kalki at livejournal dot com and I will look at it again.

I apologize again for not being around lately. Things just got mucho crazy.



Congrats to one of our graduates!!!Collapse )

Congratulations to Shona & her family... God's blessings & Welcome to the World to baby Russell!


Ok, I have gone through all of the invites that I had intro emails for. If you have applied for the community and got rejected, it's because I never got an intro email.

I have also gone through all of the Graduates that I could find that have had their kids. If you are reading this, have had your baby, and I haven't posted your Congrats yet, let me know! :)

I have updated all of the information I have received.

If there is anything I missed, let me know now! :)

And Welcome to all the new members that were just approved!


Hi all. Sorry I haven't been around much. We just got back from vacation and have been busy!

If you have applied for the community in the past two weeks, I will get to your application tonight. If you have any other changes, let me know here!

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